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Laurier Cress

The Don'ts of Cold Messaging on LinkedIn: A Social Etiquette Guide for Making Connections Online

Updated: Nov 29


The Linkedin logo on a mobile device.

A few months back I was chatting with a student who was on the cusp of finishing their masters program and about to enter the wonderful world of applying to positions straight out of grad school. For sure, a period in my own life I do not miss! They asked me for a bit of advice on what could improve their chances of breaking into the UX industry once they finished their program. After all, UX is a super competitive industry. Of some of the advice I passed along to them from my own personal experience, was building up their professional network.


But where do you start with something like this? Social networking is super difficult and, for the introverts like myself, can be even more of a challenge. Of course, there are multiple avenues people can take. You can go to conferences, join organizations, participate in internships, etc. But not everyone, especially people who are early in their career, have the privilege to attend events like conferences, or it can be due to barriers like socioeconomic status or living in a remote location (just to name a few examples). But thankfully, in this digital age we live in, we have so much at the tip of our fingertips. And while digital redlining remains an issue in our society, the digital divide grows smaller little by little everyday.


Throughout my career, I have found LinkedIn to be a pretty good social media platform for building and maintaining a network. While nothing can fully replace an old fashioned in person encounter, LinkedIn serves as a pretty close second. So going back to my story, during our conversation about social networking I asked them if they've tried cold calling on LinkedIn. When they responded to the effect of "what is cold calling on LinkedIn" I realized how old I sounded. 🤣 Or it could be just that I'm the only person who refers to this method of communication on LinkedIn as cold calling since technically it's "cold messaging".


Before I go into detail defining what I mean by cold calling when it pertains to LinkedIn, I thought I should define what cold calling is within its original context. Cold calling is a sales approach where a sales representative contacts a prospective customer with no prior communication. Within the context of LinkedIn, I define cold calling as reaching out to someone on the platform who you have not had prior communication with in the natural world, whether this be at work, an event, or at school (you get the picture). Now, before anyone who's reading this gets their panties in a bunch, when I say cold calling I don't mean just sending an invite to someone you've never spoken to or met without any type of message or introduction. Of course you want to introduce yourself and why you are contacting this person. However, I would be lying if I said I haven't been guilty of sending a connection request without a message attached but these are usually to people I have a mutual connection with (still not the best approach).


When I recommended cold messaging on LinkedIn to this person, I could tell they weren't too keen on the idea. Introvert or not, the idea of reaching out to someone you don't know, whether online or in person, can induce feelings of anxiety for a multitude of reasons, fear of rejection being a big one. But I can say from my own experience that I've met some amazing people through cold messaging on LinkedIn. While rare, it has happened.


However, there are many ways one should not go about this. Actually, I felt compelled to write this post due to a resent bombardment of cold message connection requests I received over the last 6 months that I believe serve as examples of what not to do. It is from these interactions that I have created the below guide on the don'ts" of cold calling on LinkedIn, and what to do instead. I thought a guide on this topic would be helpful to someone who is early in their career, or for anyone who finds some use in it. I also want to stress that this guide does not apply to situations where someone is reaching out to people to sell something. This specifically applies to building a social network.


 

Don't Ignore Their Background

One of the perks of LinkedIn is having instant access to a person’s professional background, but ignoring this information can make you seem lazy or uninterested. Avoid asking the person questions that can be easily answered by reading their profile. Instead, use what you’ve learned from their profile to ask more insightful questions. For instance, "I saw that you’ve been working in [industry] for several years. What’s it been like for you working in that space?" A little effort goes a long way when trying to build relationships.


Don't Be Generic

Another common mistake is sending generic messages that scream "copy and paste." When you reach out to someone, remember that you’re asking for their time and attention, so make it personal. Avoid sending a message like, "Hi, I came across your profile and would like to connect." Instead, mention a specific detail from their profile or something you both have in common. For example, "Hi [Name], I noticed you’re working on [specific project or position], which aligns with my background in [related field]. If you're open to it, I’d love to connect and discuss [relevant topic]."


Don't Overwhelm Them with Information

LinkedIn messages should be brief, especially in the initial message Avoid sending long paragraphs about yourself because it can feel overwhelming and, frankly, like a time drain. Instead, write a concise introduction with just enough information to spark interest. A few lines to introduce yourself and a brief reason for reaching out are sufficient.


Don't Be Pushy on the Follow-Up

If you haven’t heard back from your initial message, it’s okay to send a follow-up. However, avoid being overly aggressive or following up too soon. No one likes to feel pressured, and repeated messages can turn a neutral or positive impression into a negative one. Avoid sending follow-up messages every day or guilt-tripping someone for not replying. Instead, give it a week or two and then send a friendly follow-up that adds value to your initial message. For example, "Hi [Name], I just wanted to circle back on my message from last week. I’d still love to connect and hear your thoughts on [relevant topic]." If you don't hear back at that point, either they're not very active on LinkedIn or they don't want to interact with you (and that's ok!).


Don't Skip Personalization in the Connection Request

Even before you send a cold message, your connection request can set the tone. When sending a connection request, especially to someone you don’t know personally, always include a note explaining why you’d like to connect. Avoid sending a blank connection request without any context. Instead, add a brief note explaining your reason for connecting, such as "Hi [Name], I enjoyed your recent post on [topic] and would love to connect to learn more about your work in [industry]."


Don't Just Take

LinkedIn is a community, and connections are built on reciprocity. If you’re reaching out to someone new, consider how you can offer value or work on building that connection before making an ask. Avoid immediately requesting a call, meeting, reference, or introduction to someone in their network. They don't know you. Why would they go out on a limb for a stranger? Instead, try establishing a connection in small steps. Relationships require time and nourishment to grow, similar to a plant. Being a plant lover I couldn't help myself but to use a plant analogy here. 😄 Interactions as simple as engaging with their content or sharing interesting articles are steps that can lead to more meaningful interactions down the road.


 

Final Thoughts

Cold calling (or messaging) on LinkedIn can be a fantastic way to build relationships, but it’s important to approach it from a place of sincerity, authenticity, respect, and thoughtfulness. Avoiding these common pitfalls will make your outreach feel less like a sales pitch and more like a genuine attempt to connect, which is what LinkedIn is all about!


So, the next time you’re about to send a LinkedIn message, take a moment to review your message, make your message count, and let your true authentic self guide your outreach. You may be surprised by how much more receptive people are when you do!

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